


year and again

by extremelyquestionable (TechnicalTragedy)



Category: The Derp Crew (Youtube RPF)
Genre: M/M, Valentine's Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-08
Updated: 2015-03-08
Packaged: 2018-03-16 23:54:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3507341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TechnicalTragedy/pseuds/extremelyquestionable
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anthony always visits Steven on Valentine’s Day, bringing flowers and his boundless love. The happiness never lasts as long as he would hope.</p>
            </blockquote>





	year and again

"I always visit him on Valentine’s Day," Anthony frowns at John. "Always. I bring him flowers, I kiss him, we talk for awhile. It’s nice and it’s tradition, so I’m gonna go, whether you think we have stuff to do that day or not."

John sighs, raising his hands in defeat. “Alright. Go on and visit. I just…” John looks at Anthony seriously, concern set in his features. “I don’t think it’s healthy for you to see him. You know why. I’m your friend. I just want you to be careful.”

Anthony waves a hand dismissively. “I appreciate your concern and all, but I’m going to see him. It’s Valentine’s Day. That’s the one day out of the whole year that belongs completely to Steven.”

"I know, I know. Do what you need to do, Anthony, and I hope it works out," John says, and he watches as Anthony leaves, thinking about the liquor Tom keeps hidden away and wondering if he’d be willing to crack it open later.

\- - -

Anthony’s usual florist already has his flowers ready when he walks in. She’s a kind little lady who runs a humble little shop, and every year she gives Anthony the same sad look as she passes him his flowers.

"I do hope it all works out, dear," she says, and he smiles at her, warm and sincere.

"It always does, Martha," he reminds, and she just gives him her sad smile and watches him go, her heart heavy for that young boy who holds on too tight.

Valentine’s Day makes Anthony feel like he’s walking on air. Every year he feels that same giddiness, seeing all those loving couples passing, knowing Steven is waiting for him in their usual spot. As he walks, he thinks of all the things he’ll tell Steven, all those interesting little tidbits he’s been storing up in his head for a year. He hopes Steven appreciates them, but it can be hard to tell with him.

He finally spots Steven, exactly where he expected him to be, and grins wide, heading over to him. Anthony sits down across from him and sets the flowers between them, looking between them and Steven.

"Hey, buddy," he greets, just like every year, and leans forward to kiss him, just a brief touch of lips. "So much stuff has happened in the past year, you wouldn’t believe," Anthony begins, smiling, and tells his stories to Steven, laughing and getting excited and sad and irritated at all the right parts.

"I love you," Anthony says suddenly in a lull between stories. "I love you so, so much. And I miss you, like, all the time. You’re always on my mind and I love you so much I feel like I could explode. Smarty, GaLm, Tom, they just don’t get it, y’know? But, I knew you’d understand. You always understand."

Steven is silent, Anthony isn’t expectant, and the quiet stretches out between them.

Finally, Anthony laughs, quiet and pained. “Shit. I miss you so fucking much, Ze. Some days I miss you so much I can’t even get out of bed,” he lapses into silence again, and puts his hand on Steven. He’s cold, as he usually is. “Why’d you have to go?”

There’s no answer, but it’s not like Anthony was waiting for one. Steven is silent and cold and dead, he’s dead, he’s gone and Anthony can’t fucking believe himself.

"I always do this," he tells Steven, and knows he isn’t being heard. "I don’t know why I come back. John doesn’t think I should, tells me it’s unhealthy and that I need to let go, but fuck, it’s been nearly eight years now and I still can’t move on."

Anthony’s fingers slide down the smooth stone of his best friend, his one true love. “Loved,” it says, and it’ll always be true. Steven will always, always be loved.

"Why’d you have to die," Anthony breathes, feeling tears sting at his eyes and blinking miserably to try and clear them. "You left me here alone and I don’t want to sound like I’m blaming you but, but fuck. I wish you were here, or I was there. I don’t mean anything without you."

There’s never any response, but a hand touches Anthony’s shoulder, startling him badly.

"Come on, Anthony," John is saying, his voice soft and eyes trained on Steven’s name.

Anthony pushes the flowers closer to Steven’s headstone and lifts himself to his feet, grunting as his knees pop after being in the same position for hours. He allows himself to be led away, and know that no matter how much pain it causes him, how much John warns him against returning, he’ll come back next year with a fresh bouquet of flowers and more interesting stories to tell Steven.


End file.
